When I Said NO

I finally said NO and meant it.My kids are my everything! I try to always give them what they want and provide what they need no matter what! I do say no sometimes but on what i think are the little stupid things.

With my kids being teenagers I have been having some problem with their attitude especially with my Adam, you know how those teenage years can be hard at times! Today i put my foot down and didn’t give in! That broke my heart! Felt so guilty and actually still do! I had my reasons to say no, and my biggest reason was his attitude! I couldn’t take it anymore! 

I seriously might be one of the most understanding mothers out there but today i had to put my foot down! and it feels awful! My heart is aching so bad that i cried! I wish he can understand that I wasn’t mad! I was hurt! 

As a parent you might feel hurt, worried and unsure about what right! Its hard specially when the most simplest conversation turns into an argument But i always keep reminding myself that this phase will come to an end. 

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How Nara Changed My Life! 

I was going through a bad time in my life, feeling lost, depressed and just so blah! 

My kids were growing so fast, they started to hang out with friends all the time, Adam started going shopping with his friends when i use to buy him everything! It felt that my kids don’t need me anymore! I felt that me being around all the time is no longer important! I started letting my son know in advance if we were going out on a family lunch or dinner! Were before that never happened we always went out together and did so many activities. 

I felt like i wanted a baby! I know its mad! Why would i want a baby!! I wanted to feel needed, It sounds crazy yes! My kids still need me and will always need me but at the age they are in now they just wanna hang out with friends and do their own thing and I totally understand, no doubt i want the best for them and i know that this is so normal at this age. 

I needed something and i needed it fast! So i decided to get a small puppy, we do have an American Akita but he grow to become taller than me mashallah, I needed a dog that will always stay small in size so i can carry around, so i got a pom and called her Nara and oh how she changed my life! People around me noticed the difference in my attitude and mood they started telling me how happier and peaceful i became i smile and say Nara 😉 I always heard of animal therapy but never really understood it fully and now i so do and i highly recommend it! Now when the kids are out Nara is always around and she is the cutest thing ever. 
Some benefits of Animal Therapy:

– Lifts spirit and helps with depression.

– Provides comfort.

– Reduced boredom.

– Lowers anxiety.

– Provides non-stressful environment.

– Provides motivation to move more. 

Grounding Teens

 

Sometimes I get frustrated with my teenagers when they violate basic family rules, like curfews! and grounding them becomes a natural reaction. Grounding can be an effective disciplinary technique if it is applied at the right time, in the right circumstances and for the right length of time. But if not it can go wrong and creat a gap between parents and teens.

And let’s be real here I have rarely seen a period of grounding where parents and teens are using the time to get close together so it has to be right when we apply it.

 I know the whole purpose of grounding is for them to learn to stay on track when it comes to good behavior or respecting family rules but does it really work!? 

Sometimes YES! because they don’t wanna lose their friends day out or any of their privileges but let me totally be honest some times NO they wont care when it comes to grounding them they would say it’s ok! it’s fine! No problem! I love staying home! But teens will always be teens and it’s ok to have ups and downs.
Ok and let’s say You ground them for a period of time and have an agreement if they do extra work around the house or get better grades then they can maybe earn time off by good behavior? If not then what will motivate them to be nice during grounding time? And if they have a bad attitude what do I do as a parent ground them even more? Where does it end! 
Here are some helper points:

– Always explain why they are grounded! 

Tell them why you are grounding them and how you feel about their action or behavior and it’s ok to listen to what they have to say, that doesn’t mean that you will change your mind on the grounding part.

– Take a moment to be clear on your terms when it comes to their grounding! Be very clear Is it time away from friends? No phone calls? No internet? Weekends home? Cut down on allowance? Sometimes I will be so upset where I would tell my kids I will talk to you later or tomorrow after school on what your punishment would be and I explain to them it’s not because I don’t wanna deal with it now! It’s because I wanna be fair with my punishment. 

– Never let grounding time to long! 

It seriously gives you lesser chance to cave in, and to crosse the massage clear with out losing it, let’s say they are late so for the next two weeks they have to come earlier then their usual curfew.

– Find ways for them to learn from it! 

Give them work around the house or you can even make them write a report on their behavior including a plan for not repeating it again.

التحرش الجنسي بالأطفال

بتكلم عن شي وايد مهم بس مو متعارف عليه بمجتمعنا! و قليل جداً أهالي تتكلم عن هالموضوع مع عيالهم أو بشكل عام!

التحرش الجنسي بالأطفال

شنو معنى التحرش الجنسي بالأطفال؟ 

التحرش الجنسي بالأطفال من أخطر الجرائم الي في المجتمع . وهو اتصال جنسي بين طفل وشخص بالغ لإرضاء رغبات جنسية، و له عدة أشكال. 

أدري إن محد يتخيل هالشي الفظيع يصير معاه بس خل نكون واقعيين! الـمـشـكـلـه موجوده و بشكل كبير و عادةً الطفل يتعرض لها بغفلة الأهل و بالأغلب يصير من داخل البيت أو من الأقارب! أدري بتقولون مستحيل!! ماكو شي مستحيل و هذا الواقع! و هذا السبب الي خلاني أكتب عن هالشي و أوّعي الأهالي بالموضوع. 

لما آدم و جنى كانوا بالروضة كلمتهم عن هالموضوع، الموضوع وايد حساس بس كان الحوار لازم يصير، بلشت معاهم بكل هدوء و بطريقة جداً سلسه بيّنت لهم شنو اللمس المسموح و اللمس الغير مسموح شنو أوكي و شنو لا، وضحت لهم إن الحين كبروا و أعضاءهم الخاصة وايد سبشل و محد له الحق يشوفهم، و آخر شي و بالنسبة لي أهم شي أن أنا دايماً موجودة و لازم يقولون لي كل شي حتى لو شي مو زين لأن أحبهم أكثر من أي شي بالدنيا و دايماً راح أكون يمهم و معاهم. 

بالنسبة لي تتكلمون مع اعيالكم من أهم الأشياء الي اتسونها! أحياناً التحرش الجنسي يستمر و يصير أكثر من مرة لعدم وعي الطفل بالشي و ما يدري إنه غلط أو يمكن يحس الطفل إنه مو مرتاح من الي قاعد يصير بس خايف يتكلم لمليون سبب براسه! 

و الله لا يقول يصير شي مع أحد على طول تصرفوا أدري ان الموضوع كبير و صدمة بس لازم الأم أو الأبو يكونون أقويا و يكونون مسيطرين على أعصابهم و مشاعرهم جدام الطفل لأن التحرش الجنسي بأنواعه مو بس حادثة و تعدي! ينتج عنه اضطراب نفسي على مدى طويل و قصير، و تكوّن أمراض نفسية، عاطفية و اجتماعية. 

Blessed With Two In Arabic 

السلام عليكم، 

بلشت المدونة من قبل جم سنة، و كانت دائماً بالإنجليزي لأن أسهل علي وايد إني أعبر و أتكلم بالإنجليزي لان عندي صعوبة إني أتكلم و أصيغ الجمل بالعربي و لغة عربية أصعب و أصعب و الطباعة بالعربي هذي سالفتها سالفة بعد! وايد بطيئة و ياخذ مني وقت طويل! بس وايد كانوا يقولولي و للحين يقولولي لازم أبلش أكتب بالعربي خصوصاً انه احنا بالكويت و هذي لغتنا الأساسية و لأن أبي أفيد الكل و أشارك قصصي و تجاربي مع الكل قررت أبلش أكتب مواضيع بالعربي. ما راح أكتب باللغة العربية البحته بس بحاول كثر ما أقدر كلامي يكون زين 😊 و انشالله خير. 

راح أحاول أجمع بين اللغتين بمواضيعي، و راح أبلش أترجم مواضيع أصلن أنا كاتبتها من قبل بالإنجليزي و أنزلها مرة ثانية بالعربي. 

Thank you and much Love to all.

It’s Ok To Tell 

Talking about Sexual Abuse 
  

As a parent, you do everything in your power to protect your children. You lock all the doors in your house before going to bed. You tell them never to talk to strangers. You insist they wear helmets whenever they ride a bike. But how much time do you spend talking with them about personal safety as it relates to their bodies?

I know it’s hard talking about this specially when this subject is barley talked about in Kuwait! But let’s be honest sexual abuse is real! Yes this is happening! As horrible as it sounds it’s true! 

Having conversations about personal safety with your children can prevent abuse and help them enjoy a safe childhood.
As a mom there is nothing off limits to me when it comes to my kids! I remember talking to my kids about this when they first started school by the age of 6 and then talked again about it after maybe two years, I can’t tell you how to talk to your kids, every mom has her own way to do so, and we all know what’s appropriate and what’s not! What’s a good touch and what’s a bad touch! What is ok and what is not! 

 In my opinion just be honest, clear, simple and talk with loads of love and in my case I always show my kids and make them feel that I got their back no matter what happens and I will always protect them with my life.

Children should know they can come to you whenever they feel confused, “icky” or uncomfortable. Children need to know that their bodies are their own and no one should touch body parts that get covered by a bathing suit, unless they are hurt and a doctor or a parent is helping them.
Help them learn the difference between a safe secret and an unsafe secret (a safe secret will eventually be told and will make everyone smile) and between tattling and reporting (reporting is OK because it involves a safety situation). And let them know that it’s ok to say NO!
Why kids don’t tell? 
– They don’t think anyone would believe them.

– They don’t want to upset their parents.

– Too embaresed.

– They get told it’s a secret.

– They get told their parents knew about it.

– They get told it’s a game.

– Afraid that dad would hit them. 

– They simply don’t want anyone to know.

If your child, or any child, discloses abuse to you, your first response makes all the difference in how they come to terms with the situation. Even though you may be shocked, resist the urge to react strongly to the news or display anger.

What to Say:

– “I believe you.”

– “I’m really glad that you told me. It took a lot of courage to tell me.”

– “It’s not your fault.”

– Do not promise to keep it a secret. Instead say, “We’ll work together to get you help. I will need to tell dad to help us.
May Allah protect all our children and give us the strength to face what hits us with love and courage.

HOW TO ROCK BEING A SINGLE YOUNG MOTHER! 

 
I became a mom when I was only 16! Yes it’s crazy, it was so not your typical teenagers life! Being a mom is the hardest job ever, and being a single young mom with two kids is even harder! Don’t get me wrong, I’m truly blessed and I love being a mom and can’t ever imagine my life any other way! 

yes it is very challenging but it’s also very rewarding in so many ways, and my favorite is the unconditional LOVE.

I have two teens, Adam is 14 and Jenna is 13 both of which are completely from different worlds.
Entering teenage hood is a challenge for both kids and mother, you can never be prepared enough! 

Have you ever asked yourself how you keep it all together and still maintain your sanity?  

  

I have!! It’s ok to lose control every now and then. I definitely had my ugly moments where I had to leave right now and then just to cry alone! Or even those days when I felt lost about my parenting skills and just wanted to stay in bed all day! Or those times when I questioned myself if i could have done more! 

It’s ok! It’s normal and that’s simply motherhood! 
I can sum up what I have learned so far in a few 
– Educate yourself as much as you can. Read, search and ask for advice but after all that, do what you think is truly right for your kids and yourself.

– Listen to your kids no matter how crazy they may sound.

– Talk to your kids about everything and don’t ever think that it’s not important or that they are too young, or whether they won’t understand or think why should I bother talking! 

If your kids don’t want to talk or open up, then create other ways to communicate. Write letters or text or make short videos if you need to communicate about something sensitive. 

– Put yourself in their place, try to understand how they would feel about certain situations.

– Be their role model.

– Let them make their own choices.

– Let them make mistakes, they will learn.

– Encourage them at all times.

– Don’t shout because they won’t listen, they will just shut down. 

– Have family meetings. Talk about family matters, bad behavior, roles and so on

– Let them have the right to negotiate on allowance, extra pocket money, curfews and chores. 

– Always teach them ethics, morals, values and respect. Therefore, they SHINE. 

Most importantly, don’t forget your passions. Remember what excites you, Remember to nurture all parts of yourself so that you truly can ROCK at being a healthy, happy mom!